30)

After listening to 5 string quartets, I can finally say that I have begun to understand Bartok's harmonic and formal language. A long ways to go on this front...

Before you ruin your day tomorrow, start your morning with this. First 9 minutes of the day. Just sit and remain zoned out. Or get some coffee. Or stand and look outside. The bigger the sound the better the experience.

http://www.last.fm/music/Henryk+G%C3%B3recki/_/Song+II+%28Lento+e+Largo%29

29)

I started this day very focused on what I wanted to do and where I wanted to finish. I'm not sure where that finish line is, but I know the day is not over. My goal was to finish my "B" section for my ensemble piece. (Section 2 of 7 sections) This was (and is) quite the daunting challenge, but I can say that today is the first day in a long time that I have honestly sat down for 8 hours thinking about this music or other music, but always allowing my mind to be engaged in my work. It is a much different feeling than that of a typical day, where some of my peek hours are cut off by classes. I wrote a total of 180 measures of music (30 measures of 6 instruments), practiced piano, listened to some Schnittke, and studied some film scores. I am excited to continue my endeavors and reap the fruit of what I have sown.

Dinner soon. More to come.

Futhon

28)

Yesterday I was given the opportunity to be part of a master's class. The Kabalevsky was given a premature exposure but I still got some few good comments. My first two pages were horrible, but the last page redeemed the performance.

I have been listening to Bartok's String Quartets. (Currently on No. 3) It has been interesting trying to figure his harmonic language and discovering how he thought about music. I have almost given up on more than one occasion; great ideas seem to keep cropping ideas. A brilliant composer in the end. Fairly sure I heard part of Bach's Cello Solo No. 1 in Mov. 2 of No. 2. Oh well...

Lesson today. Excited for this long day.

Futhon

27)

...Why does Classical Music still matter?...

"It is no good mincing words or hiding behind a false sense of sophistication. This music still matters for the same reasons that Greek drama or Renaissance painting or modernist fiction matter: because it made discoveries we are far from done with and that are far from done with us. it has imagined forms of experience that became substantial realities in being thus imagined: forms of being, becoming, sensing, witnessing, remembering, desiring, hoping, suffering, and more.
By making such things audible, classical music enlarges the capacity of all music to attach itself, and us, more closely to whatever we care about. The tradition that tells us to listen to classical works for their own sake alone is an inadvertent betrayal of that care Music is our premier embodiment of the drive for attachment. It works, it grips or grasps us, almost with the electricity of touch, resonant, perhaps, with the primary experiences of bonding that tie us to each other and the world. Music of all kinds invokes this bonding; classical music dramatizes and reflects on it in the act of invocation.
The power to do this is tangible and exhilarating. It is the power by which we make the world meaningful. Its felt presence is the reason why we keep coming back to the works and styles through which that power runs: coming back to them as sources of pleasure and puzzlement, of self-discovery and self-bafflement. Other music also has things to say to us; there is no doubt about that. But no other music tells us the things that this music does. The Western world is not only the richer for preserving Sophocles' Antigone or Beethoven's Ninth Symphony, but different. At one time the difference was available only to a small minority, but technology has long since taken care of that. This music now belongs to anyone who cares to listen. Its fusion of knowledge and power can be demanding, even disturbing. Contrary to the tiresome slogan, classical music does not relax you. But it can transfix you, perhaps even transform you."
- Lawrence Kramer, Why Classical Music Still Matters

This is the only part of the book that he claims to have thought about. Hence this is the only part of the book worth reading.

How and why this is all possible was never satisfactorily explained to me.

Futhon

26.5)

Man I'm an idiot. When something works and produces good results, why change it? I decided to try and write in a different format, with pencil and paper as opposed to plugging everything into the computer. I was so high minded and thought my music would somehow have more power through this method. I was so concentrated on the when that I forgot the now, how, and why.

Back to punching keys and clicking things.

Futhon

26)

After I quit playing video games, I knew that something had to immediately fill that hole or else I would be driven right back to them. At first I filled the vacancy with all my music: piano, composition, listening, and reading. As I am still on this journey of soberness I have found that my music is leaning heavily on my composition. I've spent the last month prepping my mind and musical facility for what I believe to be this moment.
I have begun to work on a score for small ensemble. I'm not hoping for other movements, but I am hoping for a lengthy work. The first goal for this project is that I can harmonically justify using 12-tone serialism within a work. The second goal for this project is that I can superimpose my emotions continually into this music. I have tried this before but every time I am left unsatisfied. I go into this work with 2 quotes by my side: "Communicate experiences in singular intensity." and "An arrangement of objects in space."
I have given my self one month before the ensemble will come together and realize these ideas. This is longer than I have typically given myself, and I hope that the time given will produce the ideas desired. I am scared that this will fall on its' face. I am hopeful that this might be my first real composition.

Futhon

25)

This book is horrible. I expected something filled with reason, facts, and "science" but instead I've found personal experience, opinion, and jumbled thoughts. Although there have been a few good comments and examples, the majority of what I've read is a mix between academic speak and awkward emotions. If anything this book has left me hesitant on my authority on the subject and has filled me with a even bigger yearning for truth. One would think that a book entitled "Why Classical Music Still Matters" would have some bottom line reason, fixed arguments, and some sort of stoic form. I am not sure what to think for someone more or even less educated than myself, but I know that at this point in my musical training I find this book insightful at times, but mainly long, boring, and an overly tedious read.

Great piano lesson today. I am working through some more interesting "form" ideas. More to come on that subject.

Futhon

24)

When I finally got around to getting up and drinking my coffee I knew it would be a good practice (hopefully day as well). My coffee was somehow more full bodied and delicious than ever. Being of an unsuspicious nature I am still drinking the pot, savoring every swallow. My practice went increasingly well. All the progress I hoped for on Saturday certainly bared its' fruit today. I am very excited to see what tomorrow reveals.

Well dwelling on this topic of why this music matters, I stumbled into Borders yesterday. I was reviewing their books on (Classical) Music and found Why Classical Music Still Matters by Kramer. As you can imagine, I am now looking at this book as it sits on my desk. More to come on this subject.

I thought about my coffee (obviously) and about the potential for the pieces I have written. Much to review and jot down. Excited for today...

Futhon

23.5)

On a typical Saturday night, when I have money for gas, I go for a drive through much of Scranton and the surrounding areas to clear my head and just kinda of release in a different way than I have all week. On this particular journey I ended up at a Dunkin' Donuts with a bagel and a cup of coffee while reading Wagner's theory to conducting. I was struck by the ridiculous detail he gives to the tempo of Beethoven Symphony's, particularly his 9th. It made me wonder how much of this mattered, and then my entire theory of the importance of music was torn down in my mind. The importance of music as a cultural marker and aesthetic idea was gone. I was troubled by this (yes increasingly so) until I came on YouTube and looked at the featured and listened.

I believe that the music that has been written and will be written is for the purpose of discovery. Discovery of that child-like nature: Real Discovery. Not this immature idea of discovering love, knowledge, or culture we seem to possess today. Real Discovery is an epiphany. When we listen to music we hear the resolution to what is right, we hear the unity of a human spirit, we hear...music. When we hear what is true or realize something great we feel scales being lifted from our minds. This same feeling takes hold of us when we hear or participate in music.

I believe that the music that has been written and will be written is for the purpose of discovery. Every man is entitled to an epiphany.

Futhon

23)

I practiced today without the use of alarms pushing me onto another piece. This felt incredibly nice to sit and practice freely and creatively, focusing on certain things that required some extra time. In the end I probably should have practiced more, but time will tell. Felt good to get back in the swing of things and I hope that the pieces will form properly by tomorrow.

I thought about lining up some books on my desk to help make it less messy. Also thought about Valentine's Day tomorrow.

So much to do, so much time to do it.

Futhon

22)

Fortunately (but more unfortunately) my composition lesson was canceled today as it was last week. (Hence the unfortunate nature) Daniel (the Saxophonist) was finally practicing and invited me to come listen to him run through the sax solo I have written (and am continuing to write). He played admirably as I sunk further and further into my seat. I was appalled that I had given him the piece. On the first (and only) run through I heard 3 different measures that were not complete in form, harmonies that sounded absolutely horrible, and a complete lack of rhythmic variation. Least to say I walked out of the room, the piece in my hands, (with many scribbles on it) with my tail between my legs. Lesson of the night: Give the performer the piece even if you are not done, this grants you perspective on your compositional abilities. At best I feel like a fool tonight. Composition in the works.

Futhon

21)

I am currently working through some pieces built on the atonal harmony. As I am working out these harmonies I am also trying to stretch my form and my range capability on the piano. I am not concerned as much with dynamics, but have funneled alot of my time into rhythm.

In the hopes of better understanding my functional self I have been pushing and relaxing, trying to find the proper amount so that I can function properly as a composer and a human. Currently I'm tired.

Better hopes for tomorrow.

Futhon

20)

This morning went really well. The Bartok and Debussy went really far and I'm excited to see their progress tomorrow. My technical exercises are a little slow. I should probably spend some time on them tonight. The Kabalevsky is becoming somewhat ridiculous. My teacher has built the case for their musicality and I see some of their grace, but maybe I need to lift up my eye lids or stop practicing them. Time will tell. The Russian is dead so he is probably in the right.

I was suprisingly concentrated this morning. My thoughts dwelt on the bad coffee and thankful/wishful that I could play harder pieces. By harder I mean more notes, but then again I seem to be having trouble with just a few.

Excited for my shower, then writing, breakfast, and some more work.

Futhon

19.5)

I am afraid for this solo sax piece for I claim it to be done, but I believe that I have barely covered the first idea, and that the second greater idea is yet to be developed and exploited. My only hope is that when I hear it run through I do not hear it as a complete work, but as a work that still has something more to say.

Solo work has to much to say so that in only writing one piece I have left out the harmony, the melody, the rhythm, the counterpoint, the motive, the phrase, the style all from the work. The medium is to bare for me to make mistakes in.

If there is more to be said, I'll find a way to say it.

Futhon

19)

Finally back from a long weekend. Completely enjoyed being home and restarting my brain. Felt incredibly nice to do almost nothing. But now that I'm back... Today's hour went well, kinda. Started incredibly rough but once my fingers get their juice going again it will not be a problem. Debussy is starting to form. For the Kabalevsky I need to work on my practice order, and for the Bartok I need to practice it more. Everything is coming together.

Was concentrating on my playing much more so today. A practice order took up the majority of the rest of my thoughts. This "order" is of the up-most importance because it will determine how wide awake my brain and my fingers are for each piece.

Writing, class. Interesting day.

Futhon

18)

I decided this morning to skip the piano and opted for a few more minutes of sleep. Supposedly that made me feel better. Horribly exhausted from last's night marathon of marimba writing. The piece is finished structurally and harmonically, but I am not so sure about melodic and rhythmic. I'll be listening to it all morning and then in every spare moment I can muster before 4.

My lesson yesterday went well. I felt discouraged that morning because my playing seemed to be declining, but in the lesson he assured me my playing was getting better (finally). All in all a good lesson and excited to see where it puts me in my discovery of Kabalevsky.

Already yawning. Full day of writing ahead.

Futhon

17.5)

The read through was not perfect (far from it) but yet still produced some results. I discovered some of the problems with the notation and other such things. Nothing to much to report.

On the other hand, my rehearsal with the flautist went amazing. She killed the piece, offered some suggestions, sight read the changes (which were not written down), and then even said she liked it to more than one person. All in all I feel great about the composition and hope that the trumpet and marimba turn out as well. Bed soon. Another bigger day tomorrow.

Futhon

17)

Sitting waiting for the string orchestra to finish up so I can hear a feedback of some diatonic form of my piece. Hopefully this is not the end of my experience with this piece. I hope for much more, but my waiting is leaving me with a desire to know. I am never sure of what to think when I am faced with my music. Typically I just phase out to listen, but I am starting to become more engaged and directive up until it is ready for a somewhat passable performance.

This time I don't know. I know it won't sound perfectly in pitch, but I hope that at least the 1st violinist knows what he (or she) is doing. My hope lies in my ear being able to determine if the piece works or not.

My experience with music is beginning to become clearer, but more individualistically experienced. I am not sure what I think of this. The majority of the majors here are either crass or don't know what to put down. Maybe the other (which I have not mentioned yet) holds the future to a future collaborator. I cannot make music by myself: it is influence by those around me, no matter how hard I try not to let that happen.

And still I wait. Time will tell the future, as it will tell my music.

Futhon

16.5)

In a state of flux on almost all my compositions, which isn't good. Hoping to sum up my piece for flute tomorrow so that when I show it to the performer on Wednesday it is complete and ready for thorough examination.

I had my first encounter with a bad review from a "critic" (if such person can be called such). Instead of being the demoralizing thing that I was told it was going to be, I found more strength and resolve in it. Maybe it was their complete lack of knowledge, understanding, or care that caused them to say these words, but regardless I will still finish the piece (did I mention I wasn't even done with the work? haha) and see its'performance. I do not care for the careless words of children (musically speaking) for I am one of them. And the only way for me to grow up is to learn and understand.

With this empowerment I continue to work on the 3 compositions I am currently rushing to complete (with little luck) and hope that the future holds as much luck as my present.

Futhon

16)

A good practice. Felt poorly on the first Kabalevsky this morning, so I think I might take up a 30 minute night session to counterbalance the amount of brain power existent at that time of day. This will also allow me to practice the Bartok and the other Debussy. One in the evening and the other in the morning. The other pieces are doing well. Will just take time and some more effort.

I was very glad that this burden of temporary debt has been alleviated. Feels great to not be spending money and not to owe any for some time. Much will "go down" after my last class today, so I am very excited.

Other than that I plan to continue writing this morning, then class. Hope to finish the majority of this piece for flute before the weekend. Unfortunately the Sax solo must go on hold. The player has a burnt out mouth at the moment, so I cannot hear my next technical ideas without him.

I think I might throw all these pieces I have written and am going to write into a little conglomeration called "Experiments on Social Activities".

Futhon