15)

Took yesterday off in hopes of curbing the slight pain in my 5th finger and the muscle spasm below it. Worked mostly well. The hour practice this morning left me feeling very low. I didn't have enough time to get every done that I wanted to. I still made some progress, but not enough obvious progress to make me feel at peace. It will show tomorrow morning when I go to sit down again.

Currently reading New Music by Aaron Copland. Great read and trying to take as much of what he says with a grain of salt. Although Copland is said to the composer of the Middle Class American, I try not to think that he can completely relate to me. More thoughts on this later.

Church, writing, work, writing.

Futhon

14)

Only played for 5 minutes today. The weird feeling on the top of my pinky came back again. I'll be smart this time and not play through it. Also a weird pain in the left side of my right hand palm surfaced. This might have been my positioning but as I maneuvered around it still was there. I'll take another try at it tomorrow or on Sunday. No harm was done.

With all the thought that Stravinsky's lectures revealed I have decided to dig deeper into the trenches to see if more "enlightenment" will arise.

On a brighter note I'll be finishing up Holst's The Planets this morning. He uses such a great pallet of sound and rhythm in his pieces.

Which reminds me...I was listening to Bernstein's recordings (with the New York Philharmonic) of Gershwin's Rhapsody in Blue yesterday and was disgusted. Between beautiful passages of piano work there was this blaring of the orchestra. By blaring I mean like a fog horn or air horn. This wildly loud and naked sound. There was nothing in there!!! Just instruments playing as loud as they could. Where was the melody? I was lost and confused half the time because I didn't know what was happening with the instrumentation! I feel like Bernstein had the philosophy of "Conduct heavily, with a big stick". It was gross. I however do not believe that this is anyway Gershwin's fault, (perhaps the venue is wrong for Gershwin, but other than that it is the conductor) so I may attempt Gershwin's American in Paris , but only if my stomach is settled before hand.

Composition lesson today.

Futhon

13)

While I was working on my warm-up exercise this morning I notice the top section of my 5th finger on my right hand. Also the thumb was giving me some grief when I moved to diminished triads. I immediately came to the crossroads of stopping the practice there or pushing through the pain. I took the road more traveled and more discouraged. I continued to play. And glad am I that I did. Work was done.

Thought about the lack of sleep and the work that I have to do today. I am completely restarting my Saxophone piece that I am writing, save for a few interesting motives that it created. Well...we'll see maybe I won't. I don't really know yet.

Fell asleep listening to Gorecki last night, and starting off my day with Claude Deangle.

Futhon

12.5)

Just finished my first book of the new year. Poetics of Music by Igor Stravinsky.
- http://www.hup.harvard.edu/catalog/STRPOE.html
Great read with much great thought. Some thoughts I pulled from the work while I was reading/thinking.
- Composition is like skimming off the excess when your product is ripe.
- A work of art cannot contain itself.
- The greater the dignity of the angels in the celestial hierarchy, the fewer the words they use; so that the most elevated of all produces only a single syllable.
- The unity of a harmony of varieties.

Much finally made sense when I read this book. The idea of one note coming from an oboe being just as powerful as a full orchestra. The beauty of music is not in the colorful chords it can create (although there is a great sense of awe) for this will pass. The beauty of music is not in the quick passages in a virtuosic piece. (though this is just as stunning). The beauty of music is in the phrase, the motive, the instrument, the diaphragm of the performer/interpreter, the chord progression, the melody, the passage, the repetition, the variety; the beauty is in the mathematical precision from the notes on the page to the performance. That is where music lies. Not in the composers head. Not in the fingers of a soloist. Not in the baton of the conductor. It lies in the idea that is music. The careful deliberate preparation for a single point in time, Chronos, and the succession of moments to follow. Chronos

Much finally made sense.

Futhon

12)

Decided to fore go playing in light of my lesson (which seems backwards, but is not). Slept an extra hour, but when I finally decided to get up I realized it wasn't going to be easy. Spinning about my room putting a shirt on and finally sitting down required a lot of work.

Lesson in 2 hours, shower in 1. Composition until then. (with some tea and water mixed in there. Kinda pastes everything together)

Futhon

11)

I finally saw the labor of this past week bear fruit. Much came together this morning and only more can come together tomorrow morning as well. Was very excited to start up the Bartok sonatina again and look forward to listening to some of his scores later. I'm having trouble audiating and hearing the tones within the Debussy. I'll have to try it later on a piano with overtones, but the possible explanation is that I am not in tune with the piece yet. This is not good. I'll grab some Debussy with the Bartok.

For some reason I thought about all my encounters with African-Americans. Was not exactly my usual line of thought, but was interested how each situation produced a different thought line in my head. I would prefer not to be quoted here... Other thoughts were on my lack of coffee and tea. Other than that stayed fairly focused.

Spent the majority of last night listening to Mendelssohn and Shostakovich. It was a pleasure to dwell in the minds of a much more formulated mind than mine. More Shostakovich today, along with some Saint-Saens.

Futhon

10)

A good hour and a half. Focused on technique for the first 30 minutes and then focused on Kabalevksy and Debussy. The sonatina is coming right along and I see no reason why I should not be on the last movement be next week. I'm finally beginning to understand the contour of the Debussy and I hope that more purposeful practice will only enlighten its' inner mysteries.

I heard a story yesterday (quite innocent party to) about 2 gay penguins. For some reason this was on my mind for the first half of my practice. It was supposedly a true story, but nature is supposed to stay its' course. I dismissed the idea. Such crazy talk does not deserve to be thought about.

Writing then class, class, class then writing.

Fuhton

9.5)

With this practice I realized how much of my "former glory" I had lost. I was no longer a pianist able to hear the subtalties of his instrument. I was no longer a pianist able to control his music. I was no longer a pianist, but a mirror, a shadow of what I had been. I saw how far I had fallen, looked at where I had landed, and decided I would rise again. But this time, no creation of man could bring me down from the plane of musical awareness I had once been at. My ear will return to where it once was and will exceed beyond that. I will conquer previously conquered ground and I will claim a farther goal.

Thought much of what you read while I played.

Early morning tomorrow. 1.5 hours of practice. 1 hour of composition.

Fuhton

9)

Quick practice focused on learning new exercises and the third movement of Kabalevsky. Feel like I acquired some knowledge on how to play and how to think about this Russian sonatina. The exercise is focused on building my right hand's mobility and my left hands flexibility and memory.

Was focused on getting done in time (which I did) and acquiring insight. Thought about church, work, and homework. Unsure still of a place for church, but was excited about the relaxing nature of where I work.

Reading, listening, planning, and writing later.

Fuhton

8)

First practice under my new regime. Felt good and short, but I know (and wish) i could practice more. Such is life. I will practice more tomorrow. Debussy started to come together. Finally felt like I had an idea of what was going on in the first 2 pages. Now to get lost in the last 4. Ugh. Started the 3rd movement of the Kabalevsky Sonatina. Went well. I think I will enjoy the study of 9/8, 6/8, and 2/4. It should open up my feel of dance to 4/4 rhythm. I see no problem with that.

Was pretty focused this practice. I have to learn to think critically and quickly in a short amount of time so that I can get as much accomplished as possible. Did think about getting a new pot for my plant, or possibly a partner in crime for him. We'll see about that. Need some cash before I can do that though.

Excited for today and what it holds. Ugh...just realized I have class in 20 mins. Goodbye my hour of composition.

Fuhton

7)

So...where's that melody? Somehow I'm thinking that I can write a piece without a melody, suggestive chord structure, a phrase, a sphere of ideas. The melodic piece is devoid of melody.

Got up from the piano, shut down the program, and pushed in my seat. Sat down to write this post, turned on Jason Mraz (I'm not sure about him yet) and realized...I'm an idiot. I need a melody for a piece. There is typically some ingredient missing when the pie doesn't bake. Read the directions Fuhton.

Fuhton

6)

Question: when you play your music.... is it all you think about? ... are you happy?

Fuhton: First off, Thank you for asking. This is actually something I have been "thinking" about and examining.

As an artist is it important for me to concentrate and think about my work while I am practicing so that when it comes time for me to make art my body is trained in such a way to make it seem natural, and true enough it must be. So yes, it must consume me and I must consume it. But this does not always happen. My thoughts typically pass through my present ideological state, philosophical state, my future states, and my previous states.

Am I happy? If the reason is right then how can I not be? This is another thing I have been thinking through at the present. Why am I disciplining myself so much? I have found my answer and I am happy about finally convincing myself it is why I do this.

But you are not curious for me alone. Figure your own life Forest. You seem to think you know what you want and what will give you a nice life. But life is a series of unfortunate events that we must smile upon. There is no fairy tale. There are no heroes. Don't do what gives you promise. Do what makes the most sense.

Fuhton

5)

1 hour of 1 piece. Played Kabalevsky for 1 hour. 60 bpm. 68 bpm. 76 bpm. 92 bpm. 100 bpm later.

I was bored almost the entire time, but I knew that I had to play the entire piece at each speed. At the end of the 4th time at 92 bpm's I felt and listened to my progress and felt much better about myself afterwords. Progress is a great thing. More to come later tonight and later tomorrow.

4)

Well past midnight. Felt the urge to stretch my sore fingers. Felt great. Briefly touched Kabalevksy. Studied exercises hard.

I thought of what I am. "Who am I?" I asked myself over and over again. Never came to a conclusion. Kinda just an idea. I am a Human, designed to think and do work, I do work so I achieve something with my life, I think so I might enjoy this work, figure out what I achieve, and think upon other human's achievements. I am no special. I am in a long line of Humans who have given the world to me. I will take it.

That is what I am.

Fuhton

3)

6.30: Coffee and John Butler. A good morning.

2)

Brahms, Kabalevsky, Debussy, Hoffmiester, Schumann. My hands already ache and it's not even 8.00 AM. Lot's of big arpeggios and what not. No wonder I'm so far behind. The Brahms excerices are coming along. #37a will be done by this week thankfully. Kabalevsky...i'm having trouble with the page turn. Somehow the hardest section for me is split between back and front. Debussy...well it's Debussy atm. It'll all flatten out and expose itself as a simple work sooner than later. The high classical of Hoffmiester is something I have not encountered in my usual lessons. Creates quite a problem when I go to play it correctly. Regardless it is slightly better than what it used to be and will continue to be such. Schumann: This will be my biggest challenge all semester. Maybe my Saturday will be dedicated to 1 or 2 of the movements.

I had many queer dreams last night, some while I lied awake thinking about my coffee that was to brew at 6.30. Oh that coffee. While playing I thought of having a different life, getting shot at, and seeing the person I miss the most. The greatest fear I think I'd ever feel is if a gun was being pointed at me. But I do not know...nor do I ever hope to.

In all breakfast in 15 mins and piano lesson in an hour and 15. Busy day.

Fuhton

1.5)

Felt the need to practice more for tomorrow's rehearsal with Sam (chuck norris to all of you). I'm almost ready for it, few fingerings and touch problems here and there, but overall I'll be ready.

Didn't think to much during the practice. Stuck to the music and the problem of not being able to play it. Much was accomplished I hope.

I'll have to put in more time tomorrow morning to make sure I'm ready.

Fuhton

1)

I just finished my first hour of practice in my new surroundings. It felt good to get up, walk ten steps, put on a pair of headphones, and begin to play the piano. It brought back many many memory's of when I would play for hours on end, just thinking my life through.

Today one of the last things that I thought about was Elizabeth Bennett's love for Mr. Darcey. How did it come about? At what point does she actually love him? When she sees his house? I don't know, was it that portrait of him, with the housekeeper in the background telling her of his kindness and goodness. Is that what love is? An appreciation of another's character. I did not suppose to put a definition to love while practicing, but I thought it worth thinking.

Then I made a mistake, time to back up and practice that section. I realized what I was thinking about and wondered how in the world I had arrived at such a thought. So I started to back track. And my mind wandered into Bingley and (oh what's her name)....Jane's love. This once again was character, but in all the movies they put him out as such an idiot. I don't know what she saw in him.

By this time in my practice I realized I should stop thinking about such books and movies and decided that the section I was playing was horrible...so I practiced that for the next 10 minutes, and then moved on to the next piece. Then the alarm went off for 8.05 and here I am

Fuhton